Archive for Singleness
A Personal Thought for Valentine’s Day
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As a single man I have learned to handle Valentine’s Day fairly well and normally go with the flow. However, this year has been a personal challenge as I witness my mother facing very challenging health issues. My father is right by her side, though, helping her manage the constant doctor visits, special diet needs and overpriced prescription fillings which are never covered by insurance. A few days ago I gave my Mom a box of Valentine’s chocolates; it warmed her heart and she gave me that special smile and, “Thank you,” that only a mother-son can recognize. As I was on my way out of the room I glanced at my Dad and thats when it hit me – that the success of their 45+ year marriage was not based on materialism, bedroom magic or remembering to go through the motions on certain festive days of the year, but rather God bringing two wonderful people together who dated for the right reasons which set the foundation for a successful marriage even when bumps and tumultuous times hit. It’s always been God’s hand which held them together with His unchanging love. |
Understand Who You Are
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As believers, we have at our disposal many scriptures that reveal to us who we are in Christ. Many of us in the Christian body quote great Bible scriptures, and this is very good and I encourage everyone to practice this regularly in their everyday walk with God. However, in understanding who you are I want to shine the light a little more brightly on personal areas. We have come to know about a few of our biblical heroes: Abraham, David, and Joseph who lived at different times, yet one thing they all shared was that each through a prophetic word came to understand who they were in God. Each revelation changed the course of each of their lives. It is imperative that you discover who you are and why God placed you in this world.
God uniquely created you for such a time as this no matter your size, shape, color, or gender. Everything that you need to accomplish what God sent you here to do is all inside of you. The reason why I strongly urge you to personally understand who you are is because knowing who you are will give you peace, resolve, tenacity, and confidence. When you know who you are, you will not spend your time trying to find it in dating different people. If you know you are destined for a life in New York, you will not take a jet plane to California, no matter how nice and beautiful the jet plane is. Here is another example: take a woman whom God is calling her to missionary work overseas who is on a date with a nice eligible bachelor who hates the thought of traveling overseas and wants a stay at home wife. It does not matter if they get along with each other, or both love God, or really enjoy one another’s company. This relationship will never work if the woman abandons what God has called her to do, in order to become married and appeases her new husband as a stay at home wife. Whatever God has called you to do, he will make provisions for his will to be accomplished in your life which will result in a successful marriage.
Understanding this one step has helped me tremendously. Since I have a firm grasp on God’s purpose for my life, it makes dating so much easier. I do not have to go on several dates to see if there is a match or to see if this person or that person could be my potential spouse. The more defined your purpose and destiny is, the better you will be. Almost instantaneous your decision-making process about pursuing a possible relationship is evident. Because the closer you walk with God, the more defined his will is for your life. It goes back to if God created marriage and he is the third party to your marriage, God will not go into a contract to fail but to win and win victoriously.
A Look at Speed Dating…is it ok for Christian Singles? (Part-2)
Posted by: | CommentsMany times during my single walk, I questioned the above services; I wondered whether or not I should 
consult such services since I am a Christian. Ultimately, what I am driving at is if God is real and God can do anything, why should I spend my hard earn dollars to help God find my mate? If this thought has gone through your mind or if you are left struggling with this kind of approach to dating, remember you are not alone. In this part I will delve into a brief look at speed dating from the Christian single perspective.
Speed Dating
When you look at our culture today at how fast pace we move, you can see why this style of hurried dating has become very popular in most major cities. The setting is in a local establishment where you can meet eight to twelve people of the opposite sex for short mini dates—each lasting eight minutes or less. You have a questionnaire to guide you along the process. At the end of the meeting you select the people you are interested in getting to know better. Next, the organizers review the questionnaires to determine if there are equal matches. If so, then you both receive the other person’s contact information; it is up to you to take it from there. Although I do not believe this is a highly successful way to meet your future spouse, I do believe it can be a fun way to get out on the town, have informal introductions of people of the opposite sex in a scenario which you would most likely never meet. The real bonus is to take advantage of brushing up on your conversation and communication skills in a fast pace atmosphere.
I come realize in my own opinion this is yet another tool that God can use to help us meet the appropriate mate designed for our life. There are pros and cons to each approach however, if you dim the hope to engage out of your comfort zone then you may never know what opportunity could await you.
Be safe out there…next time I will talk about dating services.
Is Christian Internet Dating, Speed Dating…etc Ok? (Part- 1)
Posted by: | CommentsSpawned by our recent conversation on the SingleOnlineSeminars.com, I figured I would share my thoughts on these in a two or three part series depending on response. Lets us consider in part 1 bringing dating and internet dating into context.
The dating process can be a good experience for some or a dreadful proposal for others; much depends on your own personal experience. As a single, I am sure you have encountered people either from work, church, family or friends who offered to set you up on a blind date. I have had my share of these introductions and some were civil and ended on friendly terms, yet I can still remember a few that were dates from hell (figuratively speaking). Some people have found success this way and ended up getting married, but this is not the type of dating I am referring to. Dating has indeed evolved. So being a Christian where do you go when bars or party clubs are out of the question? A new wave that has really gained wide acceptance is Internet dating, speed dating, and dating services.
Internet Dating
When this type of service first came out several years ago, people were too embarrassed to admit that they were using the Internet to meet other singles. It was almost taboo. At the time it was seemingly limited to those who were computer savvy and understood its nuances. Currently, it is much easier to use. People from many parts of the world and from all lifestyles are going online signing up on single online dating websites daily. Some people, in fact, manage multiple accounts at different websites at one time to increase their odds of meeting their future spouse. There are dating sites that are niche-specific in the cyber world. A few examples are Christian sites, Jewish sites, Catholic sites, and Sports sites. There are also age-minded sites (like thirty-something). In addition, there are ethnic sites and divorced single parents’ sites. I personally have tried both the popular secular sites and Christian sites. It can be a bit of work, going through e-mails and small talk to qualify someone of interest to engage in conversation that is more meaningful. In addition, some website databases do not have large volumes of people to search as some of the popularly advertised ones do. Overall, I did meet some interesting people, but (in my view) this was not for me. Too many people are shallow and are interested in good looks or a terrific body, money, or you can guess the rest. Fortunately, there are some people who have met online and have wed. Although it is still too early to understand the long-term statistics on this type of marriage, these Internet newlyweds absolutely swear by it. This type of dating is not for everyone, and if you choose to try it, my advice is first use common sense. Secondly, always understand and follow the security disclosure, conduct, and privacy protection policies on each site. If they do not have one, then do not set up an account. Thirdly, communicate your faith and beliefs before heading into deeper conversations. The Bible tells us by their fruit you shall know them. The Word of God will either draw them or scare them away.
Next time I’ll talk about speed dating. Be safe out there.
If You Have a Boring Life Now, You will Have a Boring Life When You Get Married
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Creating a life is important. During your single status you need to be able to relate to others in life, especially when you are sharing your faith. If your life is boring and all you do is go to church, work, and home you may not be as effective with winning others over to Christ. People will often gravitate or aspire to those who are taking charge in life and living a balanced life of God, fun, family and career. I was on one particular date where the woman loved God but had nothing to talk about currently. She recited to me all of the things she would do some day when God blessed her with a husband. On the other hand I talked about all of the variety of interests and activities I was involved in without discussing a wife. It really made her think about changing how she viewed her own life. When I hear people make comments like, “I will do that trip one day when I get married” or “maybe I will be more active when God sends me a husband,” I cringe. This is the wrong kind of thinking. If you have a boring life now you will be boring when you get married. Nothing around you has to change within your single status, you do not need more job opportunities, friends, nor for your popularity to increase. All that needs to change is you. Once you change, your options will suddenly open up, and you will be on the road to becoming whole and balanced in your single life.
Being Capable of Marriage
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One of the biggest deceptions that our adversary uses in the Church today is whether your capable of marriage. Whether you suffered a divorce, or you came out of a very abusive relationship, or you never seem to be able to meet a quality Christian person worth the pursuit of marriage, I want to let you in on something. You are capable and worthy of a good marriage. Another forum of these lies are tied around comments like, “Are there any good single Christian men left that are available for marriage,” or “Are there any single Christian women who do not come with extra baggage in a relationship?” Yet, some people believe that there is only one shot in life at marrying the right person, and if they miss that opportunity, it will never come around again. It is never too late to come into what God has destined for your life. If you can conceive this thought right now, then it is not too late for your God given spouse to arrive in your life. Throughout the Gospels Jesus tells the people who wanted their miracle to “have faith” and “only believe.” The enemy creates these reports of single life that look like gloom and doom; this is a deception to take your faith because your faith is what pleases God (Hebrews 11:6). If you buy into this deception then you tie up God’s hands to move on your behalf. I certainly do understand if you are feeling this way from first hand experience. I rejoiced at being rescued from this negative thought process through faith in God and faith in hearing the word of God (Romans 10:17). You are capable of marriage, no matter the mistakes in your life, how old you are, or if you have children living at home. I repeat you are capable of falling in love; you are capable of walks in the park; you are capable of romantic dinners, and you are capable of having a wonderful and beautiful marriage in God!
There is Life As Single Christian
Posted by: | CommentsThere is Life as a Christian Single
In my fondest memories, I can recall daydreaming of being married to a beautiful woman and being a loving father and good provider. Those daydreams to some extent evolved into life goals from adolescent to adulthood, which gave birth to the ambition and drive to become a success in my life. It had never resonated in my daydreams that one of those status levels I would reach and maintain for a good part of my early adult life would be labeled as “Christian and single.” I used to contemplate those two words from a secular perspective and wondered if people would interpret its meaning to be “lonely loser.” The fact that God could really stand for something in my life as a Christian single in today’s world was a big struggle in my adult life.
After completing high school, I found myself at an entry-level job at a local real-estate-related company and within short order, I had my eye on climbing the corporate ladder. As an empowered young adult, I gave into society’s accepted practice of variety dating and in my vain effort, I was looking for that right girl who would fit my picture and idea of corporate success. It was within these gradual timeframes when I made a subconscious statement to God: “I appreciate all the help but I can handle life from here on out.” Positive and motivational resources and “the universe will provide” sort of thinking became my new self-made religion. God became more of a mere abstract of thought used only when beneficial in my life. Nearly twenty years would pass and I would climb that corporate ladder and outwardly, some would have applauded my success; however, deep inside I would suffer the realization that my self-made religion was failing me miserably. Relationships were deteriorating and aspirations of money and corporate drive started to take a backseat to emptiness. I knew there had to be more in life.
The very statement I made in my earlier years choosing to exclude God from my life became a regretful mistake over time. I felt reminded of a parallel biblical story the account of the prodigal son in Luke15:11–31. The story ends by giving us a picture of how the loving father receives his lost son back, even though it was the son’s choice to leave home. I as well wanted my heavenly father back in my life. I was at a point that I wanted a relationship with God, not a religious exercise, no tricks or games; I would refuse to settle for nothing less than a true God experience. It happened while I was alone one night at my home with tears streaming down my face. I summoned God with a new statement not with vanity but with a pure, open and honest heart. I gave my plea for forgiveness and asked for help. The freedom that the Bible talks about, this liberty the Bible speaks about, this life fulfillment the Bible describes—I wanted to experience it now! That night was probably the best night’s sleep I had in years. From that day, I became a faithful Christian single man, ready to follow and serve God in any way possible.
I didn’t fully understand how to live a Christian single life; many churches I visited, the sermons I heard were primarily focused toward families, far from addressing the challenges and needs of adult singles today. However, God is faithful to his word. Each day as I opened up my heart to God in prayer, weekly bible studies along with a strong commitment at a local Church body, the single journey began to take on a new shape and excitement. God started to reveal through biblical principles a practical step-by-step process as to how to live a Christian single life in a less than Christian-friendly world. He first allowed me to recognize that he loves me and that there is a set purpose and destiny in store for my life, no matter the challenges and disappointments I had experienced, once I had the correct attitude and affirmation. I digested simple yet powerful biblical stories from the great patriarchs like King David, Moses and the great leader Joshua. I gained a creative personalized perspective on creating goals in five main areas: Personal, Spiritual, Physical, Relational and Financial. These were personalized with benefits along with journaling. This new approach allowed me to face bad habits; negative strongholds that were holding my life down. I found a new freedom for single living; I didn’t just have to sit and mope around or listen to those in relationships feel sorry for my single status. I started to engage new friendships, went traveling, started new hobbies and expanded my relationship with God. I found my life coming into balance and living whole is the best place to be along with integrity in God.
Can A Christian Single Male Practice Abstinent ?
Posted by: | CommentsIf you turned the pages back in my life when I entered the corporate world, you would behold a fresh young-eyed kid poised to exchange lack of maturity for pure youthful energy. I was technically a Christian but found myself compromising my beliefs within my new job in order to fit. I did not want people to think I was weird or some sort of religious fanatic, so I down played God. I wanted to be liked and very much so by women.
Slowly and subtly, I started to stray. I started to say things like, “Um yeah, I can make that happy hour with you guys, but I do not drink or chase women…I’ll check out that movie with you guys, I am ok if it has only a little nudity…Let’s watch that playoff game; I can skip this Sunday church services; I’ll pick it back up next week.” Weeks turned into months and then one day I woke up and BAM! I found myself looking on the other side of my bed wondering, “What is she doing here?”
In response to the answer to the title heading of this article, let me subscribe a few questions for you to consider and let me say we are not headed off topic. Is it possible to avoid maxing out your credit cards on useless spending? Is it possible to avoid exceeding the posted speed limit while driving? Is it possible to avoid overeating to the point of obesity? I am not speaking of one-time only infractions or life’s slip-ups. The direction I am addressing is about the pattern that can sneak up in your life and take you down a dark slippery slope. Before you have a chance to ask where are the safety rails, you’re in warp speed in a down-hill motion with accompanying life vices.
I am reminded of the scriptures that we are wonderfully created in the image of God and our words and actions carry significant consequences in our everyday world. God spoke the heavens into existence. Our voice (man of God) carries the authority to choose… how much to spend… how much to eat… how fast to drive. Even when it comes to the matter of sex, it is one of the most powerful drives a man has in his arsenal and God intended it to be this way in order for us to seed life. However, with this incredible power comes much responsibility that is not to be taken lightly. Looking back, we see Jesus was under the horrid dread of his life on the cross crucified for all humanity. He had the power to unleash his furry on his accusers for pleasure, but he didn’t give way to his physical desire. He remained in the fathers will (thank God).
Certainly, with time I have learned to harness this scared power with control and pattern my life’s action according to Gods words of wisdom. No matter if I am tempted or stumble, I am conscious of the fact God’s love is our safety net. From the time I was shaky at learning how to ride a bicycle to the time of adult hood wondering if I could survive on my own, there have been frustrations, failures and wrong turns and the subtle thoughts of, would I ever get this right?
